Ramblings of Wife, Mother & Romantic

Archive for April, 2008

A little under 6 years ago, right after i married Rudolf, we went to Flagstaff and stayed in a cabin for a few days. During our vacation i bought a book at the Barnes and Noble in town Called ‘Gift From The Sea’ by Anne Morrow Lindbergh, I dont remember if i ever finished the whole book even though it only has 138 pages. The other day when i took my children to the park i wanted to take along a light reading book, and this was the one that i chose.

Have you ever read a book and it didnt really mean much to you ,then years had past and you read it again and for some reason the words just seem to pop out to you and speak directly to you? Well this is what happened, I feel like i completely understand all she is going through in that time of her life, i too am dealing with the same things. If you have not read this book i urge you to pick it up. If i could i would type the whole book down right here and now, but i do have things to do today, but i am going to write down some parts that stood out to me while i read this afternoon.

Gift From The Sea

There is a quality to the fullness that the Psalmist expressed: “My cup runneth over.” Let no one come – I pray in sudden panic – I might spill myself away!

Is this then what happens to woman? She wants perpetually to spill herself away. All her instinct as a woman – the eternal nourish er of children, of men, of society – demands that she give. Her time, her energy, her creativeness drain out into these channels if there is any chance, any leak. Traditionally we are taught, and instinctively we long, to give where it is needed – and immediately. Eternally, woman spills herself away in driblets to the thirsty, seldom being allowed the time , the quiet, the peace, to let the pitcher fill up to the brim.

But why not, one may ask? What is wrong with woman’s spilling herself away, since it is her function to give? Why am i, coming back from my perfect day at the beach, so afraid of loosing my treasure? It is not just the artist in me. The artist, naturally, always resents giving himself in smalldrops. He must save up for the pitcher-full. No, it is also the woman in me who is so unexpectedly miserly

Here is a strange paradox. Woman instinctively wants to give, yet resents giving herself in small pieces. Basically is this a conflict? Or is it an over-simplification of a many – stranded problem? I believe that what woman is not so much giving herself in pieces as giving herself purposelessly. what we fear is not so much that our energy may be leaking away through small outlets as that it may be going ‘down the drain” We do not see the results of our giving as concretely as man does in his work. In the job of home- keeping there is no raise from the boss, and seldom praise from others to show us we have hit the mark. Except for the child, woman’s creation is so often invisible, especially today. We are working at an arrangement in form, of a myriad disparate details of housework, family routine, and social life. It is a kind of intricate game of cat’s – cradle we manipulate on our fingers, with invisible threads. How can one point to this constant tangle of household chores, errands, and fragments of human relationships, as a creation? It is hard even to think of it as purposeful activity, so much of it is automatic. Woman herself begins to feel like a telephone exchange or a laundromat.

Purposeful giving is not as apt to deplete one’s resources; it belongs to that natural order or giving that seems to renew itself even in the act of depletion. The more one gives, the more one has to give – like milk in the breast.

I hope you all enjoy this small segment as much as i have.

I keep forgetting to write about an event that happened to me on Sunday after church. Rudy had to go to work right after church so i went to the grocery store with the kids to pick up a few things for lunch. I was in the check out, swiped my debit card and the nice little machine flashed that oh so horrible dreaded word ‘DECLINED’ Now just so you dont think i am a poor person who over draws her account, I am NOT that person, I knew there was money in there, i think i was just over a couple dollars, i even had the check out lady take a couple things back but it still said ‘Declined’ so i told her i’m sorry can i leave this here and i’ll come right back with some cash. as the words came out my mouth, the lady in line behind me asked how much i needed, and pulled a bill out her pocket book and payed. She would not even let me get her number so i could pay her back.

As i walked out to my van tears were streaming down my face (thank goodness for sunglasses) This womans kindness touched my heart to the very core. The amount she payed was not a big number, but it was the fact that she did a selfless act. It makes me want to help more when i see someone in need, even if its something small, and its not for the ‘thanks’ i might receive , but the blessing i will have in my heart. I know MY heart was blessed by that sweet woman, i pray hers is 7 times more blessed.

My sweet husband and i went for a ride on the hog and to see a movie, afterwards we treated ourselves to quad shot mochas and blended white chocolate mochas. Rudy also bought me a oh so pretty mug, to add to my growing obsession of coffee mugs.

Yesterday Rudy rode is bike up with some friends and i followed with the kids in the van to Laughlin, for the river run. It was a bit scary trying to follow them on their motorcycles since there were so many on the roads, they easly got lost. Next year for sure i am riding up with him, he just needs to get a sissy bar, cause lets face it, i’m a sissy.

This is one of the bikes i saw, that was freakin amazing.

For some reason it keeps telling theres a loading error on the last photo i had, But you get the idea, its a pretty Hot bike.

I am a glutton for punishment, and i took the kids to the park for lunch today. My back is hurting pretty bad from my sunburn, and of course the only bench open was one with my back facing the sun. The children had a wonderful time.

While eating his PB&J Lennon exclaimed with such passion in his little voice “Mom you make the BEST sandwiches’  Make sit all worth it knowing my kids adore me.

I felt the need tonight to express my Love toward my husband, (no this is not to get me some points from him) He rarely reads what i write anyways, but i merely wanted to show some love and TRY to write how i feel towards him.

When i met him over 6 years ago, at a singsparation in parker Az, i remember sitting with my friend Missy watching him load all his music equipment, drooling while i chewed on dinner mints. I was head over heels from that moment on.

He has been my rock through everything, What an amazing Father from the start, always talking to the children while still in my womb, right by my side when they came into the world, and always helping me when he could when they were small and needy.

I fall more in love with him, when i see him holding and playing with his children, teaching the boys gross things, or talking to adia about big girl things. He truly is a Great Father.

Never in my wildest dreams would i have thought i would become a pastors wife, sing on our praise and worship team or be in the ministry like i am today. I am blessed everyday day by it. There is no better life than the life of serving my Lord and saviour.

My husband sacrifices so much of himself for others, it blows me away. He is always there in a time of need to help someone either with money or his time.

He’s always making sure he is doing this the way God wants him to and not by the seat of his pants, He’s an amazing provider for his family, i have never worried that we would not have food on our table or necessities for living. He is the hardest worker i have ever seen besides my father. Rudy is also so good about stopping and spending quality time with me and the kids, doing special things with us that will be remembered.

He has always loved me even when i was moody and cranky. He has never pushed me in any direction but let me find my own path, which took me right to him. Never have i felt such a selfless love like his.

I look at him and see a mighty man of God, a man who goes after what he wants even through hardships, A man who is so stinking creative its not even funny, A man who worships from his very soul. He is defiantly my biggest hero, or role-model. He’s who i look up to. Sometimes i will look at him maybe while he’s playing music on a wednesday night or when he has preached and i think ‘holy Crap’ He’s Mine! All mine. How God has blessed me, When i was ready to settle for ‘Whoever’ God Sent me the ‘perfect match’ my Soul mate! The man i will be with the rest of my life.

I love you Rudolf, forever and ever!

So today me and my children met about 6 other moms at Rotery Park to play and celebrate our friend Shannons 29th birthday. We had a grand time, the kids played wonderfully together, all thanks to Avery and his carpet bag of cool toys. We had a couple high lights, one was Jamie being the cool person she is made a carrot cake and brought it for everyone, and 2nd was a single dad asking us if we were a single mom’s group, a bunch of hot woman sitting around who wouldn’t ask.

Out of the bazillion children there 2 of mine got hurt, adia fell off the monkey bars and hit her chin on her knee and bit her tongue, then Ian fell off a cement table onto cement and got a goose egg on his head, but all is well and fine.

It was just a good day, i do need to learn that i am fair skinned and need to wear sunscreen, especially if i am going to wear a sun dress. whoops.

I had a grand afternoon with my children, After braving Lowes we came home and put Ian to sleep, and i worked on some signs. Then i layed on Adia’s Bed and let Lennon and her pretend i was sick and i needed LOTS of shots, Probably their way if getting me back for getting theirs.

I felt overwelmingly tired while we watched ‘Arthur’ and i fell asleep. But was awoke my them fighting over who knows what. All in all it was a nice afternoon. Now i need to get ready for church.

Adia and Lennon visited the Dentist this morning, good reports for both. They keep asking me if their teeth are still ‘Squeaky Clean’

This is Lennon showing off his squeaky clean teeth.

Yesterday afternoon our church had their 1st annual salsa challenge all proceeds go to our kids to go to camp in the summer, about 20 people signed up with what they thought would be the BEST salsa out there, My husband being one of them.

I am bias though and even though i tried quite a few of them, i still prefered his. I voted hismost creative.